Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Lawyers, Guns and Money: The Great Dust-Up

I was told to expect one great dust-up in my life. I had imagined a hospitalizing brawl, or too much cocaine in a weak heart. Maybe an unwanted pregnancy. Something like that.
But Mighty George cooked up something more original, more delicious.
It happened shortly after my 28th birthday. And once the dust settled, my career, money, house, friends and girlfriend vanished. They were replaced with lawyers and cops, fright and paranoia. Looking back on it, I wish somehow guns could have been involved.
As the intermittent days eerily crawled along, as I sold my possessions, drank remorsefully and said my goodbyes to the place I called home, I figured America didn't want me anymore.


  1. This is a brilliant start to your blog love affair!

    "Looking back on it, I wish somehow guns could have been involved."

    :) This is why I adore you.


  2. i love you. Talk to you soon.


  3. And just when you were figuring this whole grown-up thing out... I mean you even had your own apartment.

  4. Sorry to break it to you, but I think your life was going more in the direction of 3 bottles of robitussin, then waking up with a severe case of heatburn. Instead of a gun, there might be a shiv, maybe a bottle of unmarked rye liquor.

    I don't mean to be harsh, I just think the gun and cocaine are too glamorous.

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  6. To Anonymous,
    I like your comment about the shiv. Shivs are tough and have lots of street cred. However, the gun was making a reference to a Warren Zevon song, "Lawyers, Guns, and Money," hence the title of the entry.
    Thanks for the comment about the cocaine. Cocaine is dumb.

  7. I dont get this. You right and we critique it? Tell some stories about Phil

  8. Goodtime Jones,
    Nobody has anything figured out. What is it we're even supposed to figure out? I do know that it's easy to hit singles; stretching them into doubles makes you another kind of player, but so many take that for granted. The trick is learning how to get out of the pickle.

  9. Lawyers like to process copious amounts of useless data. They're short of breath from their ties and couldn't have a trigger ready finger. A showdown would likely be yours.